Reclaiming the Peaceful Quiet of Advent

Advent is just around the corner so I thought I’d share what my Advent plans are for my family. Advent has become one of my favorite times of the year, and it has become for me a season of quiet and peaceful waiting. It wasn’t always this way, but through some careful decisions about how I’ve wanted to observe this season, I think it has become that season of joyful anticipation it is meant to be.

In this season that is typically high stress for so many people, I see more than ever the wisdom of Mother Church doing things differently. The Church says, “Right now is not the Christmas season. This is the season of Advent, which is a season of waiting and preparing. It can be hard to wait, but don’t worry; the celebration will come in its own time.” I think when we jump the gun and try to start the celebration too soon, it’s hard to fully celebrate. We may be trying to celebrate and get into the Christmas spirit, but our minds are so busy running through their mental checklists of all the things we have yet to do to get ready for Christmas: put up the decorations, bake the Christmas cookies, build the gingerbread house with the kids, see the lights, buy the gifts, wrap them all, send them out, plan the Christmas party, attend the parties, make and send the Christmas cards and on and on! Christmas Day happens which has its own kind of busyness, and then whew! Just like that it’s all over. Seems like a recipe for stress, guilt about all the things we couldn’t get to, and disappointment that things didn’t — couldn’t? — live up to all the hype.

So I’ve worked hard to reclaim Advent, which isn’t easy to do in this culture that tries to make Christmas barge in before Advent has even started. But here is what my family does, and if any of these ideas resonate with you, perhaps you can try them and see if you too can reclaim a bit of the quietness and peace of the Advent season.

I shop for Christmas all year long.

This is super important because gift getting takes a lot of time! Also, buying for everyone on the Christmas list in one or two months is financially stressful. If you haven’t done that this year, I know it’s too late, but you can definitely try this one starting in January. One year it dawned on me that I buy for the same people every year. Also, those same people have birthdays every year. So I made myself a schedule. In the schedule I listed all birthday and Christmas gifts I need to buy during the year, and I divvied it up throughout the 12 months. I have a monthly gift budget, and every month, I need to buy about four gifts.  At the beginning of every month, I refer to my list to see what gifts I need to buy this month and then I get them some time during the month. It is sooo much more budget friendly and less stressful than saving all the shopping for the last month or two of the year. I store them all in an unmarked tote in my basement (amongst other storage totes) and my kids are none the wiser about what is in this one particular tote. Come December, save a few small items, nearly all my Christmas shopping is done.

We put up Christmas decorations on December 17th at the earliest.

Christmas treeI sort of feel like if I put the tree up before Thanksgiving, in my house with four kids, one of whom is a toddler, all the beautiful decor would be quite tired looking by the time Christmas actually rolled around. Or even if I managed to keep it looking nice, I might just be tired of looking at it by then. To try to live this season as a time of waiting, however, we wait until Christmas is right around the corner to put up the decorations, and my kids know that when the tree and lights go up, it’s time to get excited because Christmas will soon be here!

We put out an Advent wreath.

Advent Wreath

Advent is a season of waiting for the Light to come, and trying to prepare our hearts for that Light. So for the evening meal, we eat by the light of the Advent wreath. I got this idea from Mary Haseltine when we tried it last year and we loved it! The first week of Advent, we light one candle, and eat our supper in near darkness. Each week, however, we light one more candle on the Advent wreath, and as we get closer to Christmas, we can see the light grow brighter and brighter. There is something about the meal enjoyed in the darkness with the candle light that makes it seem more special. It marks Advent as set apart from all other seasons.

We put up the Jesse Tree.

Our Jesse tree is a small tree, about the height of a four or five year old, and each evening before bed, we read about one part of salvation history — about how God prepared the world for the coming of His Son through the people and events that happened before Jesus’ birth. This year, I bought Unwrapping the Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp, and downloaded the free ornaments that come with it. So we’ll be reading her beautiful reflections each day and hanging one ornament.

I try to wait to celebrate Christmas until the Christmas season as much as possible.

When it comes to the celebratory events, I try to wait. We do drive around and look at Christmas lights before Christmas, mostly because I’m afraid if we wait until after Christmas, many of them won’t be lit anymore. If we are invited to a Christmas party or recital, I won’t decline. But, when possible, I save the celebrating. Last year, a local museum had guided tours through their large mansion with live performers dancing scenes from the Nutcracker with the tickets being available even after Christmas, so I bought my tickets for then, rather than going earlier. I usually make out Christmas cards during the Christmas season as well. Maybe everyone thinks I’m late, but I think I’m right on time! Things like making Gingerbread houses or other such Christmas crafts, I do with my children during the Christmas season, rather than try to fit it in before.

We celebrate the whole Christmas season.

Family at Christmas

Christmas day is just the first day of Christmas, and we aim to celebrate all 12 days. We don’t do any formal school lessons during the Christmas season; we simply relax and focus on celebrating. We watch Christmas movies; make Christmas crafts, enjoy Christmas stories, enjoy some Christmas treats, and the like. For the first time last year, rather than have the children open a mound of presents all on Christmas day, they opened one gift each day of Christmas. Last year, once all the gifts were wrapped and had arrived, I counted up the gifts from my husband and me, the gifts from grandparents, aunts and uncles, and the small gifts the children had made for each other, and each child had about 12 gifts, which seemed rather perfect. So each morning, they opened one gift.

The year before, I had tried to write down each gift in order to have the children make thank you cards later, but in the chaos of ravenous Christmas-morning gift opening, it didn’t quite happen that way. Later I found some gifts that I hadn’t written down and I asked the children who gave it to them and they didn’t have a clue. So much for gratitude when they didn’t even know who gave it! That’s sort of the nature of things, however, when we have a pile of Christmas gifts to get through. We can try to instill gratitude and make the focus of Christmas less about materialism, but I feel like we can be fighting an uphill battle by trying to do that while observing Christmas as it currently exists in our culture. As Kim John Payne says in his book (my favorite parenting book, btw) Simplicity Parenting, nothing in a pile will be appreciated. So, by opening one gift each day, I felt that the children could really savor and appreciate each gift, while also preserving the anticipation of Christmas by knowing that the next day there would be another gift to open. This year, I asked the children if they wanted to open their gifts throughout the Christmas season again, or if they wanted to go back to opening them all on Christmas day. They all were adamant that they wanted to open them throughout the season, even the six year old, who sometimes has a little more trouble waiting for things.

I think by trying to focus our attention on waiting and preparing during Advent, and then fully celebrating during the Christmas season, I enjoy Christmas so much more. When “the holiday season” was a month-long sprint trying to do it all and get it all in, with the culmination of one epic Christmas day, I feel like I almost couldn’t avoid feeling a little let down and burned out by the end of it. And trying to fully enjoy Christmas celebrations when there was so much to do meant that the celebrations themselves were really just one more thing on my to do list. Now, however, with the attitude of waiting for the Light and preparing for Christmas during Advent, and then, when all the preparations have been made and the work has been done, to allow myself to fully relax and enjoy the Christmas celebration (spread out in small doable pieces), I can really enjoy and appreciate so much more the beauty of the Christmas season.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s